Tuesday, August 17, 2010


It's funny how things happen when you at least expect them too. Or how you have a plan or know the direction you want to go in and poof it all changes. This year I have been sure of things I want to do and accomplish. Now all of sudden those things have changed.

Someone recently came into my life. Totally unexpected but so refreshing. It's really too new tell what to come out of it but it's so exciting getting to know someone and have someone interested and pursuing you :)

I feel like I may jinx it if I talk about it. I really haven't talked to anyone about it. Something I want to keep to myself for now.

I hope all is well in blogging world for everyone.


Wednesday, August 11, 2010

anti social, m.i.a., incognito

Just some of the words how I am feeling. There is a small amount of people that I tolerate communicating with these days.

I don't feel depress or anything because lord knows I have been there so I know if I am depress or not. But for the last month or so I don't want to be around anyone or talk to anyone. All I want to do is be at home in my nice dark(I keep all the blinds closed, mostly to keep my house cool) and really cold air conditioned house. I am content and peaceful doing that.

Thankfully my true friends seem to understand that. But I sometimes I feel guilty or bad for not being a friend or not doing my quote on quote friend duties.

Working out is so non existent. I know if I do I will feel tons better. But this damn heat I don't want to do anything.

I hope I snap out of this because I have so many things going on this month and September.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

ten years

so yesterday was my mom's anniversary of the day she died. It's been ten years. It's so hard to believe that it's been that long but at the same time it seems like it has been eternity.

It's crazy all the emotions that you experience all at once or through the whole time. I think of grief and it never ends to me. It's not a process it's the feelings you exerience or have for the rest of my life. At least for me it's that way.

I remember the woman she was. Absolutely the best. There was no one that didn't love her. She made friends where ever she went. I always wish I was that way. My brothers are. She was such an amazing person.

I wish I had here. Especially all that I am trying to do I wonder what she would think or what she would have to say. My mom always had something to say, it drove me nuts but it's something that I truly miss.

I wonder what she thinks of how we all turned out. How I turned out.

I miss her every minute of the day.

rest in peace mom.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

BB after dark

I am a huge fan of Big Brother. This is the first year I watch the After Dark show on showtime. Usually it's kind of boring. But last night episode has me cracking up (I dvr it) so I am watching it right now and so far Hayden has scratched his ass and giving his resume over the camera. I don't know if he is serious or has gone insane from solitary confinement which I have know idea what that is about.

It is confirmed how annoying Rachel is. She really makes herself sound like an alcoholic. I never hear one person talk so much about alcohol. How is Brenden like her???

This is the first season that I don't have a fave. I normally I always seem to like who the house hates but I am annoyed with Rachel. I like Enzo but not sure he can win it.

Anyways just some random BB thoughts.