baby fever

There is something in the water that I wish I were drinking. It seems like I know someone who is pregnant or trying to get pregnant. I can't help but be envious and wish it were me. I know that's not in my cards right now and it frustrates me.

I've had this fever of looking at all things baby. I sometimes wonder am I crazy that I want to buy baby things or look at them??? I constantly think of names, boy names that is. I already have a girl name just playing around with the middle name. I'm a obsessive person by nature so this has taken over my thoughts and even my dreams. I dream of so much to be a mother.

Is it bad that I feel owed to be blessed of becoming a mother? I've like so many other people have dealt with loss, grief and pain in my short 31 years of life. At age 21 to 22 I had to watch someone who I loved most in this world, suffered and die. At 22 I had to arrange a funeral for my mother and take care of my youngest brother and my dad. So can I feel owed something? Just this one thing to have a beautiful healthy baby.

On a lighter note:

I gained the pound that I lost last week. But I expected it. I didn't workout only walked. My eating has been bad the last two days. But it's ok I am resetting so starting tomorrow going back strict.

you get what you put in.

starting weight: 233 1/2

last week: 230 (-3 1/2)

6-20 result: 229 (-1lb)

a big whopping one pound loss. I will take it. Last week my eating was off I wasn't keeping track of my calories and I was missing meals. So I know I wasn't over eating. I didn't do two workouts. So you only get one you put in and apparently I only put in one pound weight loss worth.

I'm disappointed in myself but it's ok shit happens.

So tomorrow is a whole new week. I will keep track of calories, do all of my workouts, and take my vitamins.

be beautiful. be smart. beflurt.

I discovered www.beflurt.com through one of the blogs I read and I absolutely love the site. You find discontinued or hard to find makeup and at times at a lower cost. I try to buy something little by little to add to my makeup selection.

Today I come home and I get in the mail a letter from beflurt that I am a "Preferred Customer" and I get my own promo code. How awesome is that?!

So if you are a lover of makeup or just a plain product whore like me check out beflurt by clicking on the their logo below my about me.

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I heart beflurt.

Eating is important

So I normally weight myself on Sundays which are my rest days. Well I made the mistake of weighing myself this morning and I haven't lost anything :( I am really down about it. I haven't been keeping track of my calories but I know I am way under because I have been skipping meals and eating less. Isn't that funny I am contributing my lack of weight loss to not eating as much?! where is the logic in that. But I think it's true. My workouts were super tough and I must of not been having enough fuel for my body.

Then yesterday I skipped my workout I feel totally weird. So I am even contemplating of trying to do yesterday workout and today's workout all today. yikes! probably not smart but I am going to try it at least and see how I feel.

Losing weight has become an obsession.

they're ah rubbin

my thighs that is. I am wearing a skirt today since it's hot and our building tends to get hot and sometimes humid. I dread wearing skirts and dresses because of my thighs rubbing together. Normally I carry some body oil with me and I forgot so now my thighs are rubbing and sticking together. ick. Not to mention that it hurts. So I am avoiding doing any kind of walking and I know I must be walking funny at times lol

So I hope that Shaun T helps me with that problem. Speaking of Shaun T. I am in love with him. =) he is just so darn sexy. I am doing the workouts and he is speaking to the camera but in my mind he is talking directly to me pushing me and I can't let him down so I keep going. I do take my breaks but he encourages that if you are too tired or need a break take one. Today is Plyometric Cardio Circuit which I hate. It's probably my least favorite. Yesterday, I had Pure Cardio is my absolute fave. Except I don't think I will ever be able to do suicide jumps. They will beat the death of me. That's the only exercise on that dvd that skip. Saturday I will do the Pure Cardio and Cardio abs which I am real excited to do. Isn't that funny?! *giggles*

Parenthood passed me by

I felt the need to write a blog this morning. Every morning I drive pass a school on my way to work. This morning I watching all the kids, walking , riding their bikes or walking with their parents to school. I thought to myself I am suppose to be one of those parents. What happen to the time? My life has not came out to what it should of been. Back in 98 I was a little over 4 months pregnant and I miscarried. My child would of been 11 years old. In 2004 I was pregnant again but very early detected not far along at all and I miscarried again. That child would of been 5 or 6 not sure when I was due. This will more than likely be another blog sometime.

So today I should/would of been a parent taking my kid to school.

I love that I have options to become a mother and god willing that ttc through a donor happens easily and quickly for me. I love this fact. But it scares me. Women get pregnant and guys leave them or want nothing to do with the pregnancy (my first pregnancy was like that) so women are alone. I know I can do it alone. But I can't help but think of having someone to go through it with it. I don't have much family and my mom is gone who would of been there every step of the way encouraging and rooting me on. Who will comfort me and let me cry and ease my worry or concern? If I don't do this I will never become a mother. I have always known that I meant to be a mother and I will make a darn good one.

scattered thoughts are all over the place.

three and one slash two

Sunday are my rest day from the insanity program. I also made it the day I will weight in. I loss

3 1/2 lbs. a loss is good but I was kind of hoping for more. So I am a little disappointed. I wonder if it's because I was on my period??? I normally pull a good 5 or 6 lbs when I have gone on a diet and exercise. I swear the thirties are killing me. One thing I can say is that I am improving. Yesterday I was doing push ups better than I when I first started and it's only been a week. So that's a big plus.

I am really seeing that during this sixty day period I really have to cut out doing things. I had to house and dog sit yesterday so I went after I worked out yesterday but it's hard to stick to a diet plan. I also went to a friend's house last night and they order pizza. I couldn't help but have a few pieces. ugh. I was so disappointed at myself. I do give myself credit that all I drank was water. Everyone was drinking beer and I so wanted one. But I am determined to lose significant amount of weight.

Since today is my rest day I am resting from the meal plan. I am going to eat healthy but I am not going to count calories and stick to the routine of five meals. So far I have only had some yogurt and cereal. I have ribs cooking on the grill right now and so I will eat that with some spinach no bread. Although I so want to make some cornbread.

Well I have just rented Alice in Wonderland ondemand. So off to watch that.

that shit was bananas

those were the words that Shaun T said at the end of the Pure Cardio workout. lol This was one of my favorite workouts. I only had to skip one of the exercises. I still had to do modifications but this is only my first week. I am feeling pretty good. I am real excited to weight in on Sunday and see what my results are. Ok back to the pure cardio what I like about it, it's constant back to back exercises. Not circuit. I hate circuits. I don't know if it's because I am a.d.d. because I get bored so easily lol

On another note. The dieting and being on this schedule has made me want to not to do anything. I am so focus on losing weight that I don't want to sabatoge myself like I normal do. I have been getting weird vibes from friends. I don't understand why they don't get it. It's like this "oh one drink won't hurt" or "you have to treat yourself so going out to eat will be good" I am having to turn down invites. And the honest things is I don't want to go out and do anything.

My days go like this. Morning starts me eating breakfast then getting ready for work. work. I come home eat my fourth meal wait a half n hour before I work out during that time I am normally facebooking or emailing. So it's usually six o clock by the time I start working out. after working out I fix my dinner. eat. cleanup and then start prepping for my meal for the next day. Prepping takes sooooo much time. By that time I am taking a shower, getting into bed and read or watch my shows that were dvr. What's life going to be like the 2nd month when the workouts are longer??? So I don't have much time to be social. It's sixty days out of my life and hopefully sixty days that will change my life.

I have two brothers who are super cute. Boys still look attractive when they gain weight. Well in my family both of my brothers have lost significant amount of weight and got into real good shape. So they get all of the compliments and I remain the fat sister. So this year I want it to be me. In September my family is going to drive up to Michigan for a huge birthday party for my grandparents. I want my family members to say what they said to my brothers to me.

Totally random thought: I am so digging the song by BoB "Airplanes" featuring Hayley Williams from Paramore.

xxoo

it's all bout the shoe

Day four: Cardio Recovery

My absolute fave. But still effing hard. It was alot of yoga combined with squats and lunges. I had to stop in the middle of lunges because my feet were hurting soooo bad I couldn't believe in how much pain I was in. The recommendation is to wear cross training shoes. This weekend I am going to see if I can find a decent price pair. I had just bought some running shoes like two months ago. I wish I could return them but I have used them. But I guess I just use those for outside and my new pair will be inside workout shoes.

Today is "Pure Cardio" let's say I am scuuuurrrrred lol :)

day three:

Cardio Power & Resistance:

Is soooo hard. It really bums me out that there is a lot of things I cannot do. I mean Shaun T even gets out of breath when he is doing the work outs. You see these very fit people having to take breaks. It's tons of jumping. Again the warms ups are super tough. But I do get through them and I sweat and I really sweat. The one thing I found odd with this program that I haven't seen anywhere else. You do warms up and then you do stretching to start the actual workout. Never seen that before.

So I am questioning is this right for me??? I like it but it's too hard. Do I just keep doing it and not only of my goal to lose weight but to be able to do every single exercise in the program. I guess I will know when I weight myself on Sunday.

Also, I am on my period and I wonder if that's causing me to be slower. Way to start my first week of this program but I figure why not start. I do have to say it seems to help with a cramping or usual soreness I get when being on my period.

Tomorrow is Recovery day I think my last blog I wrote that today is when I looked at the calendar I thought it was on Wednesday but it's because the calendar is Mon-Sun not like a typical calendar Sun-Sat so I just saw middle of the week lol But I have to say I am looking forward to it although the description for the recovery says this:

"Cardio Recovery: Don't get your hopes up-this isn't the recovery you're expecting. But it should help your body and muscles prepare for more INSANITY (approx. 35 min)"

lol

I am anxious to see my results at the end of this week. It may influence my decision to return the Insanity and maybe get another program??

holy soreness & sweatyness

Day 1:

Fit test. Is no joke. You do eight different exercises for a minute. You want to document how many you do in a minute. Mine is as follow:

one: switch kicks - 50 {not so bad but still I have to motified it}

two: Power jacks - 25 {again not so bad I am pretty slow though}

three: power knees - 55 {this one was probably the easiest if I can even say that but done this exercise before}

four: Power jumps - 10 {Freakin HARD}

five: globe jumps - 5 {jumping is not my thing}

six: suicide jumps - 5 {I had to stop to throw up! lol}

seven: push up jacks - 6 {it is my ultimate goal get these downs} Although I did six I know they were not in correct form.

eight: low plank oblique - 14 {I think my number is 28 they count each side as one I counted as a set} this is another one I hope to master.

So as you can I have real low numbers don't let that fool you. I was sweating so bad. I woke up this morning so sore!!!

Day 2

Plyometric Cardio Circuit

Alot of the reviews I read say you need to do a warm up for the warm up. So TRUE. The warm up itself was a workout. There were some exercises that I just couldn't do I actually fast fwd. I really hope to go through these workouts without modifying or skipping.

Alot of the exercises I would say were sports orientated. Heismen trophy move lol basketball jumps, soft knees, mock tire drills. At the end of the dvd they did some boxing which I wish they did more of. All other circuits were done three times. The boxing circuit was only done once :(

Diet:

I am still very hungry I just deal with it. Today we had a staff meeting which the department pays for (pizza) I brought my own lunch and stuck with it. I can't believe how much prep you have to do. I see why there are so many overweight people. It's so easy to pick up fast food or order out. Even microwave food. But I have to admit I am not tired during the day.

I will keep blogging the next couple of days too.

xxoo

two.hundred.thirty.three.

That's how much I weigh. Very depressing but surprisingly lower than I thought. my goodness it takes a lot of work to lose weight. Not just the working out part but in the past two days I had to grocery shop at three different stores. I spent two hours prepping for my breakfast, mid morning meal and lunch for the week and I haven't completely finished. I bought some ground turkey, turkey cutlets and chicken breast cutlets that I had to open and separate because I only cook for one person so I can just grab a bag and make enough for me. I also sliced, diced and cut fruit and vegetables and individual contained them so I can just grab a container for a meal. I wrote out my meals for the week. I have to revise a little cause there are some stuff I didn't buy and I am NOT going to another grocery story will save that for next week.

My plan is to grocery shop once a week and buy just for the week. I think it's going to turn out to be expensive. But I have to do this for me.

I already measured myself and take "before" pictures. I wanted to throw up. it's real different when you are looking in a mirror but when you look at yourself through a camera at the mirror it

s a whole different story. I had to take my own pics so I had to do it that way.

I think I am going to blog the whole experience. So tomorrow starts my first day of the "Insanity" workout and diet.

Sixty days start tomorrow.

Insanity here I come

I just got my insanity workout delivered today. Boy am I scared lol I decided I am going to start next monday since the workout schedules start on Mondays. Leave it to me to make my goal five days away. I am hoping this works for me. I am a little intimated because I do think the workout is geared to people who are already fit but I am going to try it. The set comes with a book with meal plans which is a big help to me. I am going to have to plan my meals in advance and shop every week. I keep telling myself I have to commit myself for me. I will probably take before pictures yikes! and blog the whole process with my results. Sunday I am going to weigh myself and measure my body and take before pictures in my sports bra like they do in Biggest Loser.

It looks like a big book with ten dvds along with the nutritional guide. From the formula I should be eating 1500 calories. So I will need to eat five - three hundred calorie meals. That's going to be tough for me to eat 5 meals. I generally eat a quick and easy breakfast and may have a banana mid morning and my biggest meal is lunch. I never eat a mid afternoon meal. I guess I will have do that 4th meal as a snack before my workout.

I will do a full review after my first day. Wish me luck.