Parenthood passed me by

I felt the need to write a blog this morning. Every morning I drive pass a school on my way to work. This morning I watching all the kids, walking , riding their bikes or walking with their parents to school. I thought to myself I am suppose to be one of those parents. What happen to the time? My life has not came out to what it should of been. Back in 98 I was a little over 4 months pregnant and I miscarried. My child would of been 11 years old. In 2004 I was pregnant again but very early detected not far along at all and I miscarried again. That child would of been 5 or 6 not sure when I was due. This will more than likely be another blog sometime.

So today I should/would of been a parent taking my kid to school.

I love that I have options to become a mother and god willing that ttc through a donor happens easily and quickly for me. I love this fact. But it scares me. Women get pregnant and guys leave them or want nothing to do with the pregnancy (my first pregnancy was like that) so women are alone. I know I can do it alone. But I can't help but think of having someone to go through it with it. I don't have much family and my mom is gone who would of been there every step of the way encouraging and rooting me on. Who will comfort me and let me cry and ease my worry or concern? If I don't do this I will never become a mother. I have always known that I meant to be a mother and I will make a darn good one.

scattered thoughts are all over the place.