Sunday, June 27, 2010

baby fever

There is something in the water that I wish I were drinking. It seems like I know someone who is pregnant or trying to get pregnant. I can't help but be envious and wish it were me. I know that's not in my cards right now and it frustrates me.

I've had this fever of looking at all things baby. I sometimes wonder am I crazy that I want to buy baby things or look at them??? I constantly think of names, boy names that is. I already have a girl name just playing around with the middle name. I'm a obsessive person by nature so this has taken over my thoughts and even my dreams. I dream of so much to be a mother.

Is it bad that I feel owed to be blessed of becoming a mother? I've like so many other people have dealt with loss, grief and pain in my short 31 years of life. At age 21 to 22 I had to watch someone who I loved most in this world, suffered and die. At 22 I had to arrange a funeral for my mother and take care of my youngest brother and my dad. So can I feel owed something? Just this one thing to have a beautiful healthy baby.

On a lighter note:

I gained the pound that I lost last week. But I expected it. I didn't workout only walked. My eating has been bad the last two days. But it's ok I am resetting so starting tomorrow going back strict.


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